Barriers to apologizing

 Anger and embarrassment are often close relatives. Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about.

Our brain and our ego tell us the "facts." Our heart and gut tell us the "feelings." Facts make us look good and minimize the feelings of how we've hurt the other person.

Apologizing is hard to do well. It's scary so we avoid the pain of admitting we were wrong (or at least that we are partially responsible for the problem in the first place.) Everyone has a different version of how things went down and it gets really hard to sort out "facts" from "feelings."

Stop the negative spiral downwards by:

  • taking a deep breathe

  • identifying what matters most (maintain this friendship etc)

  • identifying what you authentically can say "I'm sorry" for

  • do it. Say "I'm sorry"

do not say "but", do not explain why you are still in the right after you say "sorry"

Thank you AP.



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